Have you ever heard of the term loose lips sink ships? This eludes to the fact that speaking without thinking can ruin things. Don’t let your loose lips be the reason your marriage fail. Don’t let your disregard for your husband’s feelings ruin your future. Have you ever just set back and just thought about how damaging words can be? The real in depth meaning of just one or two words can be hard to come back from.
I’m such an advocate of applying the “if the shoe was on the other foot method”. This is just you considering how you would feel if the same things were said or done to you. For example, I’m not going to tell my husband he is fat if in return my feelings would be hurt if he said the same thing to me. Marriage is a partnership in which you are suppose to boost each other up rather then beat each other down. Every thought that comes to mind does not need to be said. You know why? Because feelings are temporary. Emotions are temporary. And if you act out in those temporary moments it can cost you your marriage permanently!
NOTE: Men thrive off of respect. When a man feels disrespected its does something to their ego. In return, you can cause a good man to go bad. You’ve been warned!
No one is perfect. I’m guilty of saying things I shouldn’t say out of anger. The moment I say something mean, I instantly regret it. You know why? Mainly, because I get mad at myself for not having restraint to control my tongue and secondly, because my husband is my best friend and who wants to hurt their best friend. If you are feeling overwhelmed in the moment just walk away, end the call, take deep breaths, and most importantly Go Pray!
The Bible says:
Proverbs 15:4
“The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.”
1 Peter 3:10
“For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech.”
11 Things You Should Never Say To Your Husband
Fuck You
These are two words used commonly among angry people. However, these two little words can be damaging. Fuck you, is a curse word normally used to express anger and dismiss someone. So if you indeed spit this term at your husband, you are telling him that you are angry and that you don’t care. The word is rude and offensive and I highly suggest on refraining from it’s usage directed at your husband. Besides, he’ll never let you live it down!
Instead, try saying LOVE YOU, in exchange!
I Don’t Need You
Let’s keep it real! If you tell your husband you don’t need him then you are saying that you can do everything on your own. So you got them bills, you got them kids, you got that trash, you got that lawn, and I guess you can also handle satisfying yourself in the bedroom. Sounds like the independent woman, Destiny’s Child sung about to me! You better be ready to back that mouth of yours up cause there are some stubborn husbands out here who will make you eat your words.
Instead, try saying I NEED YOU, in exchange!
Your D$#k Is Small
You know who you married. You knew what his package was like. However, I think this saying more so comes from the wives who say this just to hit below the belt. They know that this is a weak spot for men so they use it for artillery in a fight for the final knock out! Okay wives you win!!
Wanna know what his come back may be? Possibly a sexless marriage. Could even be another woman who appreciates his package.
Don’t get mad at me! I’m just keeping it real.
I’m not condoning it but rather opening your eyes to all the repercussions that come with loose lips! See, he may accept your apology but now you have created some insecurities in him.
Instead, try saying your D$#k is the bomb, in exchange! Stroke his ego….
I Don’t Love You No More
Even if this is true, you should never tell him this! What is the point? Are you planning to end your marriage or are you just fessing up because you’re in an argument and want to hurt him?I’m going to put my money on the ladder so instead, search for ways to correct it. For example, consider what made you stop loving him. Determine how it can be reversed. If this is a one way street, this is something you can work on within yourself.
I’m not promoting being dishonest with your husband. However, I am suggesting for you as a wife to look in the mirror first. Normally, its an easy fix. Sometimes we are so quick to act out of emotion when its simple things like a break down of communication or not enough quality time. As a result, plan more date nights, schedule a counseling session, and as I instructed before stay on top of you weekly 1 hour appointments with your husband. It’s a preventative measure!
Instead, try saying I love you more and more each day, in exchange!
You Ain’t Shit
Let’s get this correct! Is your husband not shit because he got dinner for himself and not you? Is he not shit because he made you pump your own gas? Is he not shit because he’s just a selfish man? Or, is he not shit because he’s not a faithful husband? My last option, warrants the get in his face type of “you ain’t shit”!! Okay, just kidding!
However, the good thing is that no matter what caused you to say this to your husband it is an easy fix! Trust me, its an easy fix!
Selfish people can become unselfish! Trust me, I know. Last night, I made my husband get up and get his own water because I just didn’t feel like getting up. But, guess what? He cooks me full fledged meals and serves me my plate! So guess what, the next time he wants water i’m going to get my lazy behind up, get his water AND ask him is there anything else I can get for him while i’m at it!
You see what I mean?
Communication is key! We as wives can’t sign off on pink slips because of such petty issues. Talk about them, correct them and move on….There are some issues that may warrant more work but don’t be afraid to do the work if you want your marriage.
But what you can’t be doing is yelling ” You ain’t shit” to your husband!
Instead, try saying YOU ARE THE SHIT, in exchange!
I Want A Divorce
If you really want a divorce that’s one thing. But, if you’re screaming you want a divorce because y’all had a couple of bad days, grow up! If you’re a newlywed, this is probably you! Marriage takes some getting used to. I’m sure that my veteran wives can attest to the fact that you will have many bad days but what counts is how you overcome them.
I’ve been married for twelve years and considering that I married in my early twenties we had many unhappy days caused by nothing more then immaturity. I talked to you previously about what saved my marriage. Know that if I had given up, we probably wouldn’t have made it the first six months! You are not alone.
The book that saved my marriage
But holding divorce over a man’s head will get you just that, a divorce! It’s not an act right card. Threatening them is not going to magically make them act right. But there is one thing that will! It’s called PRAYER, try it! I tried that too and it works.
Instead, try saying “I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” in exchange!
I Don’t Know Why I Married You
You know why you married him so what you say that for? The Devil really does have a way of making us question the good decisions we make. Don’t give in to defeat! I bet you can grab a piece of paper right now and write down a hundred reasons why you married him. Try it!
Instead, try saying “I’m so happy I married you, in exchange!
I’m Not Happy
Here’s a little secret, we create our own happiness! Don’t ever get to the point where you depend on anybody to make you happy. You will find yourself disappointed all the time if you do. Ultimately, we as humans know common considerations and robot like relationship etiquette. If you don’t take charge of your happiness you’ll never be happy!
I learned this along time ago. If I want more dates, i’ll plan more dates. If i’m not happy with my body i’ll do what I need to do to change it. If i want to travel more I’ll plan for it. If i’m burnt out as a mom i’ll pencil in some me time. Do the same! Feelings of unhappiness are temporary. I bet if your husband came home and told you he won a million dollars you’ll get up out that funk! The switch can be turned on and off, determine your trigger and crush it!
Instead, try saying “you make me so happy”, in exchange!
I Need You To Babysit While I …..
Your husband is not a babysitter. It annoys me to no end when I see moms act as such. Like moms are just expected to be with the child at all times and its optional for fathers. NOPE! Stop giving him that title.
Instead, try saying “I’ll be going to XYZ on Friday”, in exchange! This should automatically trigger him into dad mode. I don’t play that!
I Hate You
Hate is a strong word! It’s intense and it alludes disgust. Add the stank face to it or the resting bi%@h face and it’s on! This can destroy your husbands esteem. Don’t tell him that! It’s just another example of acting out of anger on temporary emotions.
Instead, try saying “I love you”, in exchange!
I’m Not In The Mood
Well you better get in the mood! If you need a minute to get your self together go lock yourself in the bathroom and get your mind right. Do not deny your husband! The Bible says:
Corinthians 7:4
“The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”
Instead, try saying I love making love to you, in exchange!
At the end of the day that’s all we want in marriage, to love and be loved! Men don’t always put their feelings on display so you may not know that they’re bothered. They also may forgive you but it doesn’t mean that they will forget. They may even let the resentment pile up and then lay the big bag upon your shoulders during an argument. Please consider his feelings in all that you say, as you want him to do the same for you! Just don’t say things that you don’t mean or things that would hurt your feelings if the shoe was on the other foot. It’s just that simple! In all things pray without ceasing…
You also need to be aware of who you are belittling him in front of. Your children should not be hearing you disrespecting your husband and neither should anybody else. The easiest way to make sure this doesn’t happen is not to do it at all!
Now go hug your husband and tell him that you love him! Happy Wife-ing!!!
Have you said things to your husband that you regret? How did you overcome them?
What are you waiting for!?! GO OWN YOUR FANCY!!!
Wow I can’t believe people actually say those things! Great post and reminder!
Thank you! It definitely happens!
Great advise Brandy, I will definitely remember these for my next marriage. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you! No one is perfect it’s just about learning from our mistakes for the future:)
Babysitter! YES! It shocks me how many times dads are relegated to babysitter and that’s just not true!
Yes, I still don’t get how moms equate the two. It’s definitely not true.
this is really great reminder for me. sometimes I do say “I need you to babysit while…” but usually I change the words like ” could you help me to take care the baby while I go somewhere to do this/that as I can’t take the baby with me?” I think this one is okay, hihihi 😛
It’s definitely all in the wording!
This is great advice. Im guilty of saying things i dont mean out of anger. Next time I have the uege, Im going to take your advice and try to remove myself from the situation and remember why I married him!! ❤️
Thank you! Walking away is the best policy.
I definitely agree with you. You can not say any of those things to your husband. Marriage takes some getting used to but being mindful of what you say and how you say it goes a long way.
Absolutely, and its definitely a two way street.
I love this! I got married at 19 and said all of these and meant most of them lol. I’ll definitely do better next time.
Thank you! Yeah, at that age maturity can be a big factor. However, the important thing is learning from where we go wrong and like you said correcting it in the future.
I am shocked that people actually say these things to their husband, except for one – the not in the mood thing. I can honestly understand that there are times, you are not in the mood for it, simply because you spent the entire day working, and then taking care of the kids after you get home from work. And by the time they get to bed, you’re just downright exhausted and have no energy for anything at all. Or it could be that you’ve had a pretty rough day. Instead of cutting it at “I’m not in the mood” maybe say something that would make both of you look forward to doing it.
I agree and wives do say these things. I can also to relate to not being in the mood for the exact reasons you listed. I normally just ask for a minute and I take the time to mentally prepare myself. Your alternative words work great too.
This was a great topic! I think sometimes we forget that marriage like ANY relationship takes continuous WORK. Two things that hit home for me was:
1. When you said “Mainly because my husband is my best friend and who wants to hurt their best friend?” – SO True! I try to think about this before I go crazy on my husband about something. Nobody forced me to marry him- I chose him and he chose me. Is what I am about to explode on him over REALLY that deep? Half of the time it isn’t.
2. “I need you to babysit while I…”- My husband has actually told me several times to stop saying this as it is his duty to watch our girls-that’s his job. i’m glad he feels that way and working on remembering not to use that phrase lol
Thank you! You brought up some great points. Sometimes people forget that husbands aren’t just husband’s and we aren’t just wives. The title comes with multiple roles and when you think about it in that light it helps us be more considerate of their feelings. I admire your husband, that’s awesome that he realizes the meaning of fatherhood. Stop saying that Alexis! lol
Great reminder to pursue better words with which to communicate! Hitting below the belt is never a good course of action in any argument,but most definitely not in a marriage!
You hit the nail on the head!
I’m with you up until the last one. My body is mine. But yeah, you shouldn’t say those other mean things to ANYONE.
Of course, our body is ours but if you have a faith based marriage you can’t pick and choose which principles you’re going to follow. If I denied my husband I’d love to see the end result. To each their own, best wishes:)
One my favorite post.. learning and growing is goal!! Don’t let emotions take over and ruin what could’ve been.. great job B
Thank you! I like that you mention growth because that’s definitely what it is. Trust me I know!
I confess I have thrown around the “not in the mood” a time or two. I tell my husband yes much more than no. So I think some balance is fair as long I’m explaining to him what’s up.
You’re correct, what it all boils down to is communication! Just saying I’m not in the mood is not enough. However, further explaining your reasons opens the door for getting on the same page and that works.
This is so good for healthy relation..thanks for sharing
You’re welcome! Thanks for reading.
Although I am not married I took the time to read all of these and not only take mental notes wrote a few down as well. As we have all bears before a man that findeth a wife finds a good thing but the key is to actually stay a wife. I’m sure we all know or have read about couples whose marriage has hit a roadblock or has completely dismantled for some of these very reasons. This was such a great read. Thanks B
Thank you! In marriage we constantly learn and grow. Growing up and maturing is definitely a learning curve that most people miss and as a result a lot of marriages do fail. Learning from my mistakes, my goal is to help other wives do the same before it’s too late.
Some really nice stuff on this website, I really enjoy it.
Thank you very much! Happy Holidays!